Perception
I think of perception as the ever changing lens through which you see the world.
Your perception is shaped by millions of events and stimuli that, in tandem, mold your intuition and determine how you evaluate new experiences. Understanding your own perception involves identifying which of these experiences have played larger roles, and which are less consequential. Oftentimes, it takes more than just self reflection to surface and identify these experiences; it’s a cat and mouse game between you and your past self. It could take a friend calling you out for being a people pleaser, many months spent actively challenging your past, or just a competent therapist to guide you. Understanding involves identifying what societal assumptions are baked into your perception. Identifying which bits are less original to yourself. To what degree is your perception a healthy distillation of your lived experiences, versus more directly derivative of societal norms? What do you actually believe in?
Throughout my life so far, my perception has gone through periods of more drastic change, but also periods of stagnation. There are occasionally “glass shattering” moments that distinctly alter my perception. Learning that calories were a thing, and that food and milk had calories, and that consuming too many of these calories was what caused me to become an overweight kid completely altered my adolescent perception of food. Oreos became a 60 calorie judgment call. Croissants were an ephemeral butter bomb that never seemed satiating enough to be worth the 300 calories. Seeing my face reflected at the SF Exploratorium and realizing how asymmetric my face is has inspired a lifelong discomfort with mirrors and Zoom meetings. Reading about the difference in magnitude in carbon footprint between a single international flight compared to the marginal benefits of recycling has made me more skeptical of the ceiling of impact on global warming prevention at an individual level. Anecdotally, these glass shattering moments have become increasingly rare in my life, but I still seek out that feeling of change. The feeling of having my worldview gradually molded, even if at a slower pace.
When it comes to relationships with others, I think that your understanding of your perception, and your range of lived perceptions are the foundation for communication and empathy. In my mind, empathy is the ability to understand someone else by imagining what the world would look like through their lens. To be acutely aware that other perceptions can exist simultaneously, however, requires a quiet ego. Still having a sense of self, while making room for others. Being self aware enough to recognize that you’ll probably never be able to fully understand the full range of human perception. That there will always be perspective to be gained, and that they may harmoniously contradict one another.
When people ask me what values I look for in friends and romantic partners, my first answer is curiosity. Curiosity to me is the eagerness to challenge and grow your own perception; the humility to recognize that nobody, including yourself, holds the one Truth.